Peppermint with Just a Hint of Mocha

Regress. According to Webster to regress means to move backward to a previous and especially worse or more primitive state or condition. Regress. There is just nothing good about that word, and it has been weighing especially heavy on my heart this week.

Last Monday we took Logan to St. Louis to see another doctor. This doctor, among other things, told us that most kids with ESES (Electrical Status Epilepticus during Sleep) do regress. While we have a lot of great doctors we also, on occasion, see those that are more interested in hearing themselves talk and insist on giving us the "worst case scenario" kind of news. I know they have to tell us all the possibilities, but it just amazes me how they seem to forget or do not know that God is bigger than any degree, or medical condition. God knows no limits. He is not limited by a diagnosis or disability.

I am not doubting that kids with ESES do regress. I am sure that it is a medical fact and not this doctors opinion. I would be lying if I said that the thought of it does not scare me to death. I would be lying if I told you that I do not lay awake at night begging God to protect Logan from this regression. I know that the possibility of Logan regressing is real. I don't like it, but I am not in denial. However, I refuse to let it take over my thoughts and I refuse to let fear and worry dictate my attitude. I do not know what tomorrow holds for Logan, or for any of us for that matter, but I don't know what worrying about it will accomplish. What I do know is that today he has not regressed. God is bigger than ESES, and He will determine Logan's tomorrow.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

This doctor also questioned the capacity of Logan's ability to learn. Since Logan was diagnosed with cerebral palsy I have prayed that God would help me not too see him through smoke filled glasses. I want to love and appreciate him just the way he is, but I also do not want to be oblivious to the obstacles he faces. I really believe that God has and will continue to answer that prayer. I have never been in denial or unwilling to get him the help he needs because I refuse to see things the way they really are. In the same token, I have also tried very hard not to put limits on what Logan will be able to accomplish. It has seemed like every time a limit has been set, he has broken right through it. Like I said before, God knows no limits and I certainly do not want to limit His power with my lack of faith.

So, this doctor says that Logan has a limited learning capacity... well, I am just sitting back smiling (although not at the time). Yes, smiling. I smile because I know he is wrong. I smile because I believe that God will use this diagnosed limit like all the others... another way to show his sovereignty. I believe that at some meeting in the future this doctor will see how Logan has surpassed all of his limited expectations and God will be glorified because of it. I am the first to admit that along the way Logan will have limits, we all do. Logan my not be an honor student, or the valedictorian of his class, and maybe not even in the top half of his graduating class, but I do not believe that he has a limited capacity to learn.

Yesterday when I laid down with him at nap time I too felt a little sleepy. I let out a big yawn. Logan sniffed the air as my breath escaped my mouth and said, "Mmmmm.... Peppermint, with just a hint of mocha." After I laughed until my stomach hurt, I asked him where he had heard that. He said it was on Mickey's Twice upon a Christmas. Now with his "limited capacity to learn" he not only remembered the exact line, but also determined a completely appropriate time to use it. I just do not believe that he will not continue to learn. He is a wonderfully smart little boy with a wit and sense of humor that brings a smile to my face and to the faces of all who know him. God knows no limits.

I believe that this doctor is wrong. I believe that Logan has already proven that and will continue to do so. Still, even if God does not choose to continue to stop the regression and even if Logan has learning disabilities we will know that God is in control. I know that Logan's tomorrow is not in the hands of cerebral palsy, epilepsy, or ESES, but in God's.