There is nothing like Kindergarten screening to bring out the best and the worst in children. Every parent hopes their child performs to the best of their ability when it comes to this monumental occasion. Every parent hopes their child will recite those 26 little letters you've been singing to them since birth with ease and rattle off numbers with the skill of a second year calculus student. Every parent wants their child to cooperate, however, every child does not have the desire to give their best effort no matter how much prodding or practicing you have done up to that day. That was the case with Logan this year. I will admit that I was so frustrated with his effort, or lack of, that I was ready to hand out the worst punishment known to Logan - something worse than the dreaded spanking – the confiscation of his movie collection.When we got home, I was trying to express the importance of his best effort on everything he does. I lectured him for what seemed like an eternity to him, I’m sure. I wanted him to learn the valuable lesson of hard work and always “putting your best foot forward”. Somewhere in the middle of my lengthy speech, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Are you mad at me?”. I wanted to reply in a way that let him know that I was not mad at him, just unhappy with his lack of effort, but while I was still pondering that response, he said, “Just say, “it’s okay Logan, I still love you.””. In that moment I felt caught as a mother. I was caught between knowing that there still needed to be a consequence for his action, and letting him know that even when I’m not happy about his actions, I still love him very much. I thought back to my childhood and instantly knew what my dad meant when he said he loved me enough to punish me.
I am the first to admit that I still mess up. I do things that I later regret, feel ashamed about, and wish I could change. I make mistakes. Everyday. I am not proud of those mistakes, and owning up to them is not always the easy thing to do. Often there are consequences to those mistakes and even though I regret those decisions that led to those consequences, there are consequences all the same. It is just a part of life and hopefully we learn from those experiences and in the end, they make us better people. I am thankful for those people in my life that have loved me not because of my actions, but in spite of them. I am thankful that I was loved enough by my parents that they were willing to discipline me when I needed it. I am thankful that being loved by my God is not about living a perfect life, but rather about the One who did.
Luckily for Logan, there was a second chance. He had a chance to re-do his Kindergarten screening. The second time, he did his very best, gave his best effort and it showed. I was so proud of him. However, I did not love him more for doing better, nor would I have loved him less if he had not. I do not expect perfection and I hope they will understand that I love them the same when neither they nor their actions are. But, for now, Logan does not read that much into it; he was just glad his movies were still available for viewing, at least for today.
