While I Wait

This blog has been a long time coming. My blogging friend, Valerie has tried to get me to start for some time but I, like most things in my life, have been putting it off. Yesterday Brett and I went to see Fireproof and in the movie there is a song by John Waller that touched my heart in such a way I knew that I needed a place to write it down. The song goes:

While I’m Waiting - John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve you while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

My story will help explain why this song is so moving to me. God has blessed me with a loving husband and two wonderful boys. My oldest, Dylan is almost 8 and has a bigger heart and love for others than most adults could pray for in a lifetime. He is compassionate beyond his years and teaches me so much about Jesus example of what loving others is all about. My youngest son, well, he is the very reason for this blog. He has changed my life in ways I never imagined possible. Logan turned 5 in July and was, for the first time, able to blow out his own birthday candle. He was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at 7 months old and at almost 4 started having seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. He has also recently been diagnosed with a rare epileptic syndrome called ESES (which is obviously short for a very long scientific name that I cannot remember).

With all of that said, Logan, as Brett puts it "Is the happiest little boy in the world with a million reasons to be mad." God has truly blessed him with a happy spirit. He teaches us each day how to defeat the unbeatable, overcome the unexpected, and find love for life when it seems there is none to find. With ESES there is a chance, although the doctors tell us a slight one, that at some point Logan could digress in his abilities. They have statistically given us little hope that medicine will work at this point, and confess that there is very little known on how to treat what he has. So, we are waiting. We are waiting on God to reveal His will for each of us. We are waiting on Him to help us see this through His eyes. We are waiting on Him to work a miracle in our lives. We are waiting. But while we wait it is our goal to serve Him, to praise Him, and to worship who He is. There have already been so many answered prayers along the way... too many to count or write to you in this blog, but we see them. Our God is good and we will sing His praises even if he chooses not to take this from Logan. We will praise Him no matter the circumstances because we know that we serve a God who works everything for the good of His kingdom. This is not to say that we do not question, that we do not have seasons of doubt and anger. I know that God expects that and understands when those things come our way. I am not ashamed to confess that there are days I question that He even sees the pain Logan endures, and ask Him over and over why... Still, after the hurt subsides God is there gently reminding us that He does love us and does know our hurt and does want what is best. Our God never promised that this life would be without pain and that is why we look so forward to walking with him in heaven where the things of this world will be no more. But until then we will serve and worship our Lord, while we wait.

This morning Brett and I began the book of Philippians. Paul inspires me to see God for who He is in the face of adversity. The scripture for the day is this:

"Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:18-20

I look forward to blogging our ups and our downs, our seasons of hope and rejoycing, and hope that you will bear with me in those seasons of pain and discouragement.